The learned shame of being Single

Why is prioritising ourselves, recognising our needs and fulfilling them on our own, always associated with such immense sense of guilt, shame and fear?

Whether it is winning something in school, becoming a career-driven person, earning a good livelihood for the family, or enjoying sexual pleasures, all seem to be worthy and right when it is done for or with someone else. But, being single and doing the very same things, are associated with guilt, shame, and less worthiness.

Do you know why? it’s because we grew up deep-conditioned and trained to believe that in every area of our lives putting the needs of others before ours is the right thing to do. The extent to which others need us and the extent to which we fulfill another’s expectations is how we learn to define our worthiness.

Ergo, the more we do for others, the more worthy we think we are.

Let’s learn to correct this faulty thought process and learn to place ourselves first.

Let’s stop feeling guilty about taking care of ourselves. It is going to take time for us to unlearn what we have learned for many generations and realise that it is time to change this paradigm.

No longer should we feel guilty, embarrassed, or ashamed about taking care of ourselves and putting ourselves first.

It’s time to set an example to our future generations that taking care of ourselves and putting our needs above those of even our own children is perfectly fine, and there is nothing to feel guilty for or ashamed of. 

We then learn to treat ourselves how we want others to treat us. We are worthy, with or without the approval or validation of others, and letting them down to take care of ourselves is not a bad thing to do.

We set examples for our younger generations to follow. In unlearning the teachings of our ancestors, we teach our young ones to be better.

We show them that fulfilling our own needs is not something to be ashamed of.

Let the change begin with us!